Today, we had art at school. i went and sat down next to the only empty space next to a new guy. He had bronze hair and hazel-almost golden eyes . I flipped shit. My best friend then proceeded to turn around from her seat and say 'this reminds me of twilight'. it was awkward. MLIT
Wow that would be awkward...
you had art at school? brilliant...
Guess what? He's just not that into you. Or your made-up characters out of Stephenie Meyer's written wet dream.
OH MY GOD. That is sooooo weird!
Oh, wait. Edward isn't real... :(
Merlin's Beard this is sad!
EDWARD CULLEN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND WILL NEVER LOVE YOU.
THE BOOK CONSISTS OF BELLA WHINING ABOUT HER HIGH SCHOOL LIFE AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH A SPARKLY 100 YEAR OLD CREEPER-STALKER. YOU TWITARDS ALL NEED TO GET LIVES, LEAVE YOUR CULLEN SHRINE, AND GO DO SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE YOUR AGES (WHATEVER AGE THAT MAY BE) NORMALLY DO.
REAL MEN DON'T SPARKLE AT HOGWARTS.
You need to be fucking committed to an Asylum.
I wish Bella got busted in the face, in the movie. Cause then you're story might have some what excited me.
GO KILL YOURSELF, YOU FAT IDIOT.
YOU NO LIFER! BURN IN HELL!
Today I was walking home. I decided to go through Farmer John's pasture over the barbed wire fence . My overalls caught, and ripped up my testicles. Falling off the fence, I screamed in pain. As I lay on the ground, castrated, all I could think is "THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS THAT TWILIGHT BOOK!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh really?? omgosh this is so exciting, NOT!! sad, really.. Though I a glad to see some fellow Hogwarts students here, thank you all, for having common sence :):)
Just wow . . . I've read alot better books!! Vampire Academy is way better. There is alot more action and a wayyyy better romance story! READ OTHER BOOKS PEOPLE ON MY PROFILE I LISTED ALOT BETTER ONE'S!!
omgggg mayb you guys will get maaaaarried
and then he'll emotionally and physically abuse you, just like the real twilight.
poor boy getting compared to a loser vampire. i watched twilight last night
You flipped shit, did you? Well you should have flipped that shit into your own face, because that would have made a better story.
needs to be MORE twilight babes
Merlin's baggy Y-fronts. This website makes me want to cry sometimes. It's so sad! If the real Cedric found out about this, he would come back to life just to kill himself. Twilight sucks.
Haha check out some of the names on this post like "Bellatrix came first" and "Rowena Ravenclaw".
Seems to me that we undercover Potter fans have taken over.
WOW! You're really pathetic.... If I was that guy I would have run away screaming... Twilight is a horrible book and movie... Get over it!
today i had art at school. this is amazing. twilight has a very simple dialog, plot and general use of the english language. the simplicity of it, and the little amount of brain cells readers need is seen through the readers writing. and thoughts. and general taste in books.
Every heard of Harry Potter? Read that. Then burn your twilight books
Kthxbai :D
I feel so sorry for that guy! You said he looks like a gay fairy who is from a book! Get a life! By the way harry potter is so much better than twilight!
OMG OMG TWLIITE RULZ 111ONEONEone11one!
Um, yeah. I'd feel awkward too if some lunatic thought I reminded them of Twilight. He must also look like a real gayass.
Harry Potter is so much better! Oh my god, when I found out about this site, I started crying. Every time I read these posts on here, I die a little more inside. But I want to keep reading them because they are so pathetically funny. I come here when I feel like I don't have a life and that I'm just sad. After reading this post, I'm glad to say that I now feel as if I have a life.
Omfg, reallly???? You're being a stupid little teenager and Twilight is destroying your brain. I think it's too late to heal the corruption but I suggest Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone for the damage. At least you'll get some sense of literature. k.thanks.
Kmlilient, when I found out about this site, I started laughing at how pathetic it is. I say all us Harry Potter fans should make a MLIHP.
there is a website like this for harry potter, it's more related to my life is average. it's called averagewizard.com it's pretty funny
If it's related to twilight, of course it's sad you lonely fuck, GET A REAL BOYFRIEND
OMG the twilight nerd have friends??!!??
Why are you fliping shit? Why would you sit in class flipping fecal matter? That's why everyone looked at you strangely...
THIS POST IS OVER 9000. ITS OVER 9000. OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000 OVER 9000
It's one thing for someone to have a debilitating illness and infect all of their friends, but I think you might want to stay home while you're sick. It's a bit like swine flu in that respect. Besides, I'm sure that boy wants to get compared to Edward like I hate Twilight.
Why Twilight Blows Chunks
Twihards across the country are contaminating the drinking water because of their acrid permanent smell of obsession and crack1. The recovery includes electroshock therapy, clazopine2, drug rehab3, and Harry Potter. The question one must ask is, ‘Why is this rubbish so addicting?’ The answer lies in scientific fact.
Twilight has no one genre, but belongs in sections such as sappy romance, science-fiction-that-even-people-abducted-by-aliens-won’t-read, young-adults-who-don’t-have-any-friends, and the-kind-of-fantasy-that-no-one-fantasizes-about.
The main character, Isabella Swan (Bella) can also be labeled as a few things. She is whiney and socially awkward, but mostly she is as normal and unassuming as a living room painted decorator white. It seems the only two things that she is adamant about are Edward Cullen and having people call her ‘Bella’. Her unassuming role in the book is so two-dimensional that any teenage brunette with brown eyes and nice-smelling blood4 can imagine themselves with a ‘perfect’ vampire boyfriend. This includes males, ogres, and walruses5 as well.
Bella’s favorite way to describe her immortal vampire of a boyfriend is ‘perfect’ and it’s a word that is repeated so often that one starts to dread hearing the sound of it inside one’s head6. This is also a ploy by the author, Stephanie Meyer; to have teens fit their ideal vision of the epitome of attractiveness into being their boyfriend.7 Other outstanding characteristics of Edward include the fact that he is a vampire, his pale complexion, and his ability to sparkle in the sunlight.
The book is narrated by Bella who says the generic thing that prompt replies from the readers to something along the lines of, ‘that’s exactly what I would have done!’ and ‘Bella is so smart, just like me!’
The first few chapters detail her move from Arizona to Washington State. It is found that Bella does not relate well to her peers, her parents are divorced, and she has a baseball player for a stepfather who wants her mother to travel with him wherever he goes. In the book Bella’s move is chronicled as a selfless act, but in real life one must speculate whether her stepfather abused her8. This theory is further reassured by the fact that Bella has no problem being socially accepted in her new school.
Edward Cullen’s perfect features yearn for plain Bella because her blood is so appealing. However, he exhibits a major amount of self-control and instead of drinking her blood, Edward befriends Bella. Love blossoms. The middle part of the book begins with Bella’s introduction to Edward’s vampire family.
However, the book would not be complete without adding another genre to the list: action-for-teens-who-have-had-a-traumatic-experience-in-early-childhood-and-can’t-funtion-in-a-normal-society. Even regular Twihards are not stationary with suspense as a rival vampire tries to kill Bella to enrage Edward.9 Teens do not read this book for the action, and yet there is action.
After Bella’s brush with death, Edward tries to leave Bella to enable her to live a normal and unassuming life10. After hearing Bella protest for all of thirty seconds, Edward gives in and agrees to stay. This is the part of the book that appeals to teens with abandonment issues.
The appeal behind this book is the fascination of teenage girls with relationships and it’s ability to take advantage of the damaged psyche of drug addicts. Vampires also create an appeal of a tortured soul and a beautiful body.
The phenomena is such that after telling a child that Santa does not exist, but Christmas is still fun, the entire process will have to be repeated with vampires and relationships.
Twilight is to literature as gingers are to people11 and I would recommend that the surgeon general ban this book.
Dear Mr. Clapp,
I’m sorry if this essay seems a tad snarky. I couldn’t resist the urge to be a smartass.
Christine Emily
1Everyone who enjoys Twilight is on crack.
2Clazopine is an antipsychotic medication.
3This is to get them off the crack.
4?
5Coo-coo-ca-choo!
6Studies have shown that this word repetition has less of an effect on people who move their lips as they read.
7Remember, they are Bella.
8He probably abused steroids as well.
9Apparently, James just likes killing stuff. His personality is reminiscent of that of a boy that has entered puberty a little late and takes out his aggression on his video games.
10He did not take into account that Bella’s normal and unassuming personality would make up for the fact that her boyfriend was a vampire and enable her to lead a boring life regardless.
11The exception is George Washington.
Seriously? Has the world come to judging someone because they have the same eye color as some pitiful fictional character?
LYKOMAIGAWD. THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO. I THREW GLITTER ON THE GUY AND HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE 'WTF?' GAWD. SOME GUYS JUST DON'T ENJOY THE AESTHETICS OF SPARKLE-POWAH.
Like omg, GAY. One, get a life. Two, put down that janx. Three, stop obsessing over twilight because it's cheap poop that no one reads and is for pre-pubescent girls who have no friends. Save yourself, GO HARRY POTTER.
That poor, poor boy. I bet he would jump off a cliff if he knew you thought that. Get a life.
I have read Twilight. All I can say is one day I hope to have the power that Stephenie Meyer seems to have over a significant portion of the female population (and a much smaller portion of the male population). If you want a sexy, yet brooding fictonal character, may I suggest an obsession with Mr Darcy?
Twilight is a disgrace to the film and literature industries. The fans are all positively delusional, and seem to be under the impression that they are all real characters. Every character in twilight is a one dimensional git. Edward is quite possibly the most abusive, over-protective, pedophile boyfriend imaginable. Bella is a Mary-Sue with no emotions and is only attracted to Edward because of his appearance. And she reminds us so every few pages, as that's the only thing about him that she ever comments on. She never compliments his personality, only his face. And Jacob's just a pedophile.
I understand that Twilight is supposed to be a love story for pre-teen girls, but there's nothing about love in Twilight. It's about lust. And the fourth book is definitely not acceptable for pre-teens. It's pretty well all about Bella and Edward's sex life.
And don't even get me started on Stephanie Meyer's complete disregard for traditional vampire customs. Vampires are supposed to be reduced to ashes in the sunlight. Edward looks like he just got into the body glitter. Vampires are supposed to drink human blood, and have fangs. The fact that twilight "vampires" have no fangs just furthers my point that they're not really vampires. There are just so many things that are wrong with this series, and I'm wasting my time writing this.
Twilight: The story of a girl's choice between Necrophilia and Bestiality.
forNARNIA, the fact that your post is so huge and full of Anti-Twilight~ness makes me so incredibly happy.
Lestat, you are absolutely made of win.
And I feel absolutely terrible for that boy.
Yeah, I feel absolutely terrible for everyone who has to sit next you or have anything to do with you
SCREW TWILIGHT!!!!! and i cant believe how huge the difference is between vampires from back then to vampires now, vampires used to suck blood, but now they suck cock
-Mission accomplished from MLIA please copy and paste and post this on other MLIT posts
i love how everyone bashes twilight, and calls us immature girls WHEN YOU LIKE FICTIONAL WIZARDS DUMB BITCHES
Well,shit, you all suck.Harry Potter? Boooring! Twilight? Gimme a Break!!
I'm going to ignore the above two posts. Personally, I recommend a 7-part dose of Harry Potter. That should cure your problem :). And juju? Just because we like the Harry Potter books/movies, it doesn't mean that we go crazy, plan to marry any of the characters, or accuse anyone of being any of the characters. We know that Harry isn't real, we never said we did. So shut up, and go find something better to do than fantasize over a 108-year old virgin.
that poor, poor, POOR boy.
if i was there, i wouldve told him he looks like ron so hed feel better.
SCREW TWILIGHT!!!!! and i cant believe how huge the difference is between vampires from back then to vampires now, vampires used to suck blood, but now they suck cock -Mission accomplished from MLIA please copy and paste and post this on other MLIT posts
"omgggg mayb you guys will get maaaaarried and then he'll emotionally and physically abuse you, just like the real twilight."
I LOVE THAT COMMENT! Point made. Hogwarts students don't sparkle.
Way to blow any chance of a date with him. Next time play it cool.
bullsh*t. And I'll bet he hates Twilight and thought you were cute and you ruined the moment by drawing a parellel to the bane of his existence.
cedric diggory didnt sparkle. thats all.
...How I redeemed myself after the first infection and these freaks didn't, I have no clue. o_o
Lestat is a sex beast, 1. Your name is absolutely awesome ;) 2. Your post made me laugh so much (: and forNARNIA, I just have to say, I love you.
Alright, I admit to hating Twilight also, but this huge HP vs. Twilight war is getting old VERY fast. Harry Potter fans, I'm pretty sure they understand that Harry Potter is better by now, what with you SHOVING IT DOWN THEIR THROATS at every chosen interval. I'm not saying that every Harry Potter fan on here is being dumb, just the ones that feel the need to mention over and over again how these Twi-Hards need to read HP in order to obtain their sanity. Because, honestly, I've been on AverageWizard, and let me say that half of the posts on there are just as bad as ones on here. Both websites show that the people who post have an intense love for their book series', the only difference being that a lot of immature HP fans have decided to come to this website and bash others for absolutely no reason. And yes, there IS absolutely no reason. The war on this site is mostly fueled by HP fans feeling the need to bash everyone, and Twilight fans defending themselves. If you go on AW and look at the comments, all there is is happy HP fans commenting on how awesome a post is. You rarely see a Twilight fan going there and bashing them, like many HP fans do here everyday.
Now, I'm in NO way saying that all or even a majority of HP fans here are being assholes. Just the ones who, once again, feel the need to go off on a tangent and insult others for what they like. I understand not liking Twilight, I hate it too, but I come on here to argue and verbally spar with Twilight fans over their book, not to witness malevolent comments telling posters that they need to "go die" or that their "stupid" for liking something. Same thing goes for Twilight fans who bash Harry Potter. This whole thing needs to end. Yes, Harry Potter IS better, and is written a hell of a lot better, but calling others stupid because they like a certain series is immature as hell. Different people have different interests, and just because they don't like the same things as you doesn't make them any more human than you.
Any LESS human, that should say.
OMFG .. If that happened to me at school I swear I'd scream and pretty much jizz in my pants! (:
Wow you hp fans,going a little overboard don't you think? Its not that serious.
DraculaDoesn'tSparkle. WOW.Just WOW.Thanks for standing up for us and I soooooo agree with you on everything except that I love Twilight and I think it's really good but apart from that I like HP too.
Thanks again for the help.
hahaha how many total comments on this entire website are actually complementing twilight: maybe 5,000 how many arent: 99999999999999999999999999999999999999 oops im sry ur brains have been fried by twilight let me break that down A LOT MORE THAN 5,000
I would have died If I were that boy...being compared to a sparkly gay monster who is in love with a necropheliac....RUMBLEROAR
Wow....why does EVERYTHING remind you people of twilight???? You know how sad that is? In 20 years, you're going to look back on the way you obsessed over Edward and Jacob and say "Damn, I really wasted my time on vampires and werewolves that don't even fricking exist and now I'm sitting in a rundown apartment, watching soap operas telling all my cats about every guy I turned down because he didn't glitter in the sunlight or change into a hairy beast when he got pissed off."
I hope he's gay- so he can stay far, far away from the clutches of evil twitards like you :(
GO KILL YOURSELF, YOU FAT IDIOT.
mliNt6- respect. uttmost respect.
Okay i admit to likeing harry potter better then twilight And twilight isnt that bad, but all of you HP fans that are calling this person a fag and an idiot and that they have no life, STOP IT. this whole thing between harry potter and twilight is old. Maybe you dont care but you need to stop being so mean to people that like something OTHER they HP. When your telling this person to get a life you should be taking your own advise. So since you are calling every twilight liker this i guess that gives them permission to go to averagewizard or MLIA and call u a retard. and you wouldnt care at all. Get a life All you HP fans that were making fun of this person. get over it that they like this and not harry potter.
^1.) we don't care if they like something other than HP. We care that they like Twilight. There's a difference between simply not liking an awesome book for one reason or another and worshiping a piece of crap. 2.) We DO give them permission to troll on our websites, it's just that they have nothing to troll about. Do HP fans post how they make out with dogs because they're reminded of Remus Lupin? I think not. DO HP fans post how they see a broomstick and instantly have a freakgasm because Harry had a broomstick? Twilight fans couldn't make fun of HP if they tried, but hey. The floodgates are open.
TEAM HOGWARTS!
You Twihards yell at us for hating Twilight, but how can we convert from Harry Potter, where little nerds like Neville are heroes and a girl is the smartest in the grade, and Maximum Ride, where a girl is smart, strong, and the leader of the group, to Twilight, where the whole book is about how weak and pitiful a girl is and how all she can do is cry about her pathetic problems to her creepy boyfriend?
^Edward is stronger than Bella in Breaking Dawn.
Don't worry. Twilight is always awkward.
um hunny you know hazel is LIGHT BLUE and amber is a GOLDEN colour
Percy Jackson, if you're reading this, this is teamidontgiveacrap. We need you. Go to the discussion of names where Jazadia once resided. There you will find the address. Follow it. We will be waiting for you. Read How to Break a Twilight Curse first. Then continue to the Phoenix Song. Please hurry.
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